Q:Am I just being unreasonably emotional when I get upset thinking about things that cisguys experience that I currently don't (or in some cases can ever) experience? Things range from never getting morning wood to really inane crap like not being able to (currently) say something like "yeah let me just shave and shower". If I'm already in a bad place for gender stuff that day then it gets me pretty bad and I just always feel like a dumb little kid choking up over that kind of stuff.
Zak: I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all, but I do think that it can be self-defeating to focus on these things for too long. Obviously these things may just pop into your head, but I think it’s best to avoid dwelling on them just because for a few of these things there isn’t anything you can really do. It also may or may not be helpful for you to reframe things. For instance, in some ways you may very well wake up with “morning wood,” even if it’s different than that of a cisgender man. Another way of thinking about things is to realize that there are plenty of cis guys out there who, to go with another one of your examples, struggle to grow facial hair. Anyway, I think it’s perfectly natural to be upset about these things, but I think it’s also important to try not to dwell on them since they only bring you down and increase your dysphoria. Instead, maybe try to find common ground with your experiences and those of cisgender men (if that makes you feel better) or find the positives in your experiences. I know that’s easier said than done, but perhaps it can help. But I definitely don’t think you should feel like a “dumb little kid” because you’re upset about those things; I’ve personally found it very depressing to think about some things I’ll never get to experience. All you can really do, though, is try to move past that as best as you can.
Someone asked us:
Since a transman can still get pregnant while on testosterone (even though the chance is slim), can he still use a home pregnancy test? Or will his hormones affect the results and give a false negative/positive or something?
Don’t worry. The…
As Eli Clare brilliantly puts it, “the mannerisms that help define gender—the way in which people walk, swing their hips, gesture with their hands, move their mouths and eyes when they talk, take up space—are all based upon how non disabled people move…The construct of gender depends not only upon the male body and female body, but also on the non disabled body.” Ableism renders invisible those bodies not privileged by dominant definitions of ability, those bodies that do not fit the conceptions of gender that we often imagine.
Burying the Lede: The LGBTQ Community's Deafening Silence on Federal Transgender Employment Protections
Interesting article RE: Transgender Employment Protections
Q:Hi, you reblogged a post that said in 33 states you can be fired for being trans? Could you give us a list of these states? (I'm a transguy myself and I've been looking for a job)
Zak: Sure. This is a good question, and it’s actually a little complicated. A more accurate graphic would have been that those are states that don’t have specific job protections for individuals based on gender identity, since technically you cannot be fired for being transgender anywhere in the U.S. under Title VII (well, if you work somewhere with more than 15 employees). A few people have successfully sued using Title VII, but that doesn’t mean that specific job protections based on gender identity aren’t totally meaningless. Here’s a detailed explanation about employment rights for transgender people.
As for specific states, Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, New Hampshire, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin, and Wyoming all lack explicit state laws or executive orders prohibiting employment discrimination based on gender identity (this is what I was able to find, and obviously this is only 27 states, the graphic may be referring to additional states which lack protections for those not employed by the state or local government, which would bring the number closer to 35). As mentioned above, though, you still have a case for suing if you are fired for being transgender based on Title VII. There are also some cities that have employment protections, even if there aren’t any at the state level. Looking this up for different cities may be helpful if you’re looking for a job. Some companies also have nondiscrimination policies that include gender identity. It’s possible to search by this on job finding sites like Monster.com.
All of this information is based upon what we have been able to gather and might not be 100% up to date (our sources were dated May and September of this year, but things change all the time). Hopefully that helps. It’s frustrating that the graphic doesn’t have more information attached to it, and it could really use some clarification. The important thing and the reason we reblogged it, though, is as a reminder that job protections are important and that we still need to be fighting for them.
Q:Ok so I was just wondering as a pre-everything transgay, if you are able to orgasm and enjoy being the bottom? Thanks :)
Zak: One of the things that makes receiving anal sex enjoyable for some people and orgasm possible during it is that it stimulates the prostate. As someone who was FAAB (I’m assuming), you probably don’t have one of these. However, some people without prostates still enjoy anal sex or anal stimulation.
Q:Hey. I'm a 17 year old transman and I've been on T for a little over half a year. I haven't had top surgery, and I have some loss of fat in the chest-area (-sigh- breasts). I recently noticed that the tissue in that area seems to be more fibrous/bumpy than I ever noticed it was before. I never gave myself self-exams before T, so I don't really know if it's always been this way and I'm just noticing it b/c of fat loss or if I should be concerned. Has anyone else on here experienced this? Thanks.
Zak: Even though it’s probably nothing, you should probably bring it up to your doctor next time you have an appointment. It’s likely just due to the loss of fat you had in that area or fibrocystic breast changes (although testosterone is actually sometimes a treatment for that, as is vitamin E). I did experience fibrocystic breasts pre-T, and it sounds a lot like that. However, again, I think it’s important to also have a doctor check it out just in case.
Q:So I need some advice. Last night my wife and I were trying to get intimate which usually is fine but dysphoria hit me really bad last night and just couldn't do it. My wife now thinks that she did something wrong. How do I explain it to her? Help.
Zak: It’s easy for partners to feel as though it was something that they did or feel rejected during these kinds of situations (which it sounds like she’s feeling right now), so I think the main thing to do is to reassure her that it wasn’t about her. It can be difficult to relate exactly what you were feeling, but I’d recommend trying to do that as much as possible. The fact of the matter is that sometimes we feel dysphoric without exactly knowing why, or our dysphoria is triggered by something that other people might view as fairly minor. When those things happen and you don’t feel at home in your body, it’s tough to even think about having sex (which is all about sharing your body with another person and requires a lot of vulnerability).
If there’s anything she can do to help out with this kind of situation, I think it’s important to share it. Is there something she did to trigger this? You don’t want to approach it in an accusatory way at all, especially since it was likely unintentional, but you might want to suggest that she avoid doing it or do something differently. If it wasn’t anything she did at all, stress that it was a really random thing, completely unrelated to her. If you can think of what triggered it, tell her that (if you feel comfortable doing so) in order to help put her mind at ease. Even if there’s only a small thing you’d like her to do in that situation to help you (such as saying some words of support, offering a hug, whatever), she might like to know in order to feel less powerless and disconnected from you when it does happen. You also might want to think of a plan B to sex when this comes up, something that the two of you can do (like cuddle, exchange back rubs, talk, etc.) to stay connected when dysphoria takes sex off of the table.
I hope that answers your question. Feel free to write in to ask for clarification if that wasn’t sufficient!
Q:Rawr! Bear hugs for everyone!